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- [Narrator] Tonight,

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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all the way from the world
famous Lodge in Dallas, Texas,

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America's number one gentleman's club,

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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where the Big D meets double Ds,

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the man who strikes fear

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into the hearts of white folks everywhere.

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And now he's here to mess with Texas.

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Living legend Paul Mooney.

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(upbeat music)
(audience applauding)

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(upbeat music ends)

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- Thank you, thank you so much.

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White folks, I have some
very bad news for you.

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(audience laughing)

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And don't hate me, I'm just the messenger.

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I mean, it's the worst
nightmare has come true.

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It is the end of the fricking world.

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White folks, there will
never, never, never

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be a white president

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again.

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(audience laughing)

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(audience applauding)

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It's over.

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It's over.

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It's so sad, it's never, never.

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I've been doing the Jesse
Jackson for two days.

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(audience laughing)

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Did you see Jesse crying?

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Was Jesse crying or trying to take a crap?

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(audience laughing)

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No, it's so sad.

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And I see some of your
little, white faces,

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you don't believe me.

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I'm telling you, it's over.

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End it.

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You'll never ever have
a white president again.

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You know black people's record.

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Once we take over, we take over.

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(audience laughing)

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And you know, you know that
better than we know that.

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You know our track record.

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You tried to keep us outta baseball.

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We got in, we took the fuck over.

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(audience laughing)

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You didn't want us in the
heavyweight championship.

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You didn't want us.

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We got in, we took the fuck over.

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We take over.

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Basketball, we took over.

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Football, we took over.

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You can't keep us out, we'll take over.

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You know that.

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We fucked up your tennis.

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(audience laughing)

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We took over.

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(audience applauding)

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We fucked up your golf.

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We took over.

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Come on, keep it real,
white folks, we took over.

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There's no stopping us.

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All you have left is swimming.

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Swim, white people, swim.

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(audience laughing)

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Swim while you can

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because the black seal is coming.

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(audience laughing)

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Swim.

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Swim.

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Once you vote black, you don't go back.

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(audience laughing)

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This whole thing with elections,

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this whole thing has been
the funniest thing on earth.

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My god, the way they
fishbowl and critique Obama.

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He can't go to the bathroom.

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Did he wipe?

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(audience laughing)

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What is he doing?

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How is he doing?

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Is it true, is it isn't true?

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Is it gonna work, is it not gonna work?

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He ain't been in there a hundred days.

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Just on him.

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And I want you guys to notice
when this election came,

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this is the words that
white people leaned on

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on that television, that radio.

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President elect.

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I never heard that expression so much.

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President elect.

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President elect.

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What kind of message was they sending us?

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Don't get that excited,
it hasn't happened yet.

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(audience laughing)

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President elect.

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When that white man get in the office,

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he's either the president
or the next president.

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President elect, president elect.

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And Obama's a gentleman,
and he's a very nice man.

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The things that came
out of people's mouth.

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(audience applauding)

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The things that white folks said.

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Hillary, the shit that
come outta Hillary's mouth.

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I'm not gonna quit, it's June.

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Anything can happen.

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Kennedy was assassinated in June.

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What the fuck did that mean?

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(audience laughing)

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Obama, don't go to Texas?

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(audience laughing)

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What did she mean?

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Better Obama than me.

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The only thing Hillary could
have did for me was be my cook.

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You my cook.

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Get in that kitchen, bitch,
your nickname is Martha.

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(audience laughing)

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Cook.

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- [Male Audience Member 1] Cook, bitch!

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(audience laughing)

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- Yeah.

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Yeah, 'cause Hillary was
running, somebody asked me,

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"Do you miss Clinton?"

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I said, yeah, I miss him.

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I'd rather have my
president fucking his intern

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than fucking the nation.

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Yes, I miss him.

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(audience laughing)

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Yes, I miss him.

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(audience applauding)

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This election stuff was crazy.

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Now they got a new black
dog up in the White House.

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Bo.

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That is so funny 'cause
Obama's daddy was named Didley.

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(audience laughing)

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Yes, it was some very funny shit.

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Some Bo Didley shit.

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That first black dog, when
Obama got in the office,

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that little black dog
started biting everybody.

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(audience laughing)

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I said, tell that little
black dog he can stay.

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The white folks gotta go.

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(audience laughing)

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He start biting everybody.

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This election's been crazy.

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Obama was perfect for America.

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He was.

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(audience applauding)

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He is, not was, he is.

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He's perfect.

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He has those big white man ears.

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(audience laughing)

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He looks like Malcolm X.

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He talks like Martin Luther King.

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Oprah loves him.

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(audience laughing)

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And he shits apple pie.

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He's perfect.

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(audience applauding)

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See for black people, voting's
always been racial for us.

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White folks, this is your
first time for race, not ours.

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Even when we couldn't
vote, it was always race.

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Does he like colored people?

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Does he like Negroes?

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Does he like black people?

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Does he like Afro-American?

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What can he do for us?

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And this, white people,
this is the first time

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it's been racial for you
because you have the complexion

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for the protection for the collection.

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(audience laughing)

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Your white skin protects you.

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And this is your first racial
trip, and it drove you crazy.

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So if race drives you crazy,

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imagine how crazy we must be

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dealing with goddamn race.

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And black people, you've been blessed.

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God has been so good to you, black people.

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He has.

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You should thank Jesus, thank god.

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God's been good to you, black folks.

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He gave you Obama.

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He gave you Obama.

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Oh, don't feel sad, white people.

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You got OJ.

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(audience laughing)

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(audience applauding)

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Finally.

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(audience laughing)

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But this was a win-win
situation for black people.

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We could win either way.

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We were gonna party either way.

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If he won, we was gonna party.

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If he lost, we was gonna party.

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'Cause this has been
interesting for us and exciting.

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And if you can't understand
the win-win situation,

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let me break it down for you.

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What was the little black
tennis player's name?

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What's her name?

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- [Female Audience Member 1] Serena.

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- When she played her sister,

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remember when she played her sister?

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That's a win-win situation.

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I went to sleep 'cause
I knew when I woke up,

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somebody black had won.

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(audience laughing)

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That's a win-win situation.

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(audience applauding)

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And if you think, white folks,

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if you think black people got
excited over the OJ verdict,

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we went crazy.

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I don't know about Texas,

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but in New York we were
up and down the street.

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We were hollering all night.

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Obama beat your mama.

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Obama beat your mama.

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We went crazy.

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I went crazy.

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Obama beat your mama.

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I got on the first public transportation.

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I told them white folks,

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"Get in the back where you fucking belong."

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"Obama is president!"

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(audience laughing)

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I went to the first soul food restaurant.

224
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'Cause I knew the price of
chicken was going way down.

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(audience laughing)

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I said, "Give me a hundred
wings for 10 cent, bitch."

227
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"Obama is president!"

228
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(audience laughing)

229
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And everybody, stop
saying Obama's half white.

230
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Obama's half black.

231
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Is he white enough, is he black enough?

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Obama is half African.

233
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There's a difference.

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He's half African.

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You've got Kunta Kinte up in there.

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You don't have Toby.

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What goes around comes around.

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He's half African.

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And that makes a difference.

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I love every minute of it.

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I love the news 'cause he's all over it.

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It's like watching BET all day long.

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(audience laughing)

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A black man is running America.

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And them stupid pirates.

246
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Don't they know a black
man's running America?

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You can't take a black man's boat.

248
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Yeah, they got shot.

249
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(audience laughing)

250
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You can't take a black man's boat.

251
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You know Obama said shoot 'em, shoot 'em.

252
00:10:05,701 --> 00:10:07,878
(audience laughing)

253
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It's the best.

254
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:09,828
It's the funniest.

255
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,298
It's the damn best.

256
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I love every fricking minute of it.

257
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Black folks, black folks, they
finally buried James Brown.

258
00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:20,088
(audience laughing)

259
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Ignorant ass James Brown.

260
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I miss me some James Brown.

261
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Anything James Brown said, we loved.

262
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Popcorn, whoo!

263
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Yes, James.

264
00:10:28,538 --> 00:10:30,348
(audience laughing)

265
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Kool-Aid, whoo!

266
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Jump off the bridge, shut the door, ow!

267
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James, wow!

268
00:10:34,661 --> 00:10:36,138
(audience laughing)

269
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James Brown.

270
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Black don't crack, black don't crack.

271
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James Brown aged so well.

272
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James Brown looked like a
old black Chinese woman.

273
00:10:46,949 --> 00:10:49,949
(audience laughing)

274
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:56,373
Black don't crack, black don't crack.

275
00:10:58,710 --> 00:11:00,498
You ought to see this
white man's face over here.

276
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:01,331
Listen to me.

277
00:11:01,373 --> 00:11:04,464
He is staring at me like I'm
ET, I'm serious, he's just.

278
00:11:04,506 --> 00:11:06,788
(audience laughing)

279
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:08,358
He ain't never heard nobody like me.

280
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,623
I'm serious, he's like that.

281
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:14,688
Ain't laughed, ain't
smiled, just staring at me.

282
00:11:14,730 --> 00:11:16,410
He doesn't even speak English anymore.

283
00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:18,438
(audience laughing)

284
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,508
You know the white man gets
like that, he shuts down.

285
00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:22,532
He's giving me that parole board look.

286
00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:25,574
(audience laughing)

287
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,690
Oh, he grinning now,
he's trying to fake it.

288
00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,893
He won't be getting out.

289
00:11:40,935 --> 00:11:43,935
(audience laughing)

290
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:48,288
Black don't crack, black don't crack.

291
00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:49,465
Tina Turner.

292
00:11:49,507 --> 00:11:51,858
(audience cheering)

293
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,358
10 minutes older than dirt.

294
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,863
She's 10 minutes older than dirt.

295
00:11:54,905 --> 00:11:57,307
(audience laughing)

296
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:58,279
You see her on the Grammys?

297
00:11:58,321 --> 00:11:59,928
Did you see her on the Grammys?

298
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,724
She looked like, her skin,
she looked like she's 12.

299
00:12:02,766 --> 00:12:03,768
(audience laughing)

300
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:08,388
She wears Sizzler miniskirts
with 12 year-old legs.

301
00:12:08,430 --> 00:12:10,368
Some 12 year-old's sitting
up in the hospital.

302
00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:12,124
They done stole my legs.

303
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,338
(audience laughing)

304
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:15,282
Tina done got them legs and gone.

305
00:12:15,324 --> 00:12:16,998
(audience laughing)

306
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,938
Remember that movie "Thunderball"
she did with Mel Gibson?

307
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:21,468
Mel Gibson was older than her.

308
00:12:21,510 --> 00:12:23,632
Mel Gibson looks like her grandfather.

309
00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:25,038
(audience laughing)

310
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,573
Tina still looks the same, she looks good.

311
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,058
We lost Ike, you know we lost Ike.

312
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,218
In the hospital, Ike begged for Tina.

313
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:37,188
Tina, bring Tina in, Tina,
Tina, bring her in here.

314
00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:39,699
I want to slap that bitch
one more time before I leave.

315
00:12:39,741 --> 00:12:42,708
(audience laughing)

316
00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:43,728
Tina wouldn't go.

317
00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,453
Tina wouldn't go.

318
00:12:46,770 --> 00:12:48,649
Tina said what death got to do with it.

319
00:12:48,691 --> 00:12:51,691
(audience laughing)

320
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:56,508
And the Grammys made the
mistake of calling Tina queen.

321
00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:57,858
You know about it.

322
00:12:57,900 --> 00:12:58,691
Ooh.

323
00:12:58,733 --> 00:12:59,524
You know who was there.

324
00:12:59,566 --> 00:13:00,768
You know who was there.

325
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,118
Aretha.

326
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,258
Aretha.

327
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,402
That big bitch was pissed.

328
00:13:05,444 --> 00:13:07,008
(audience laughing)

329
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:08,653
She as big as a duplex.

330
00:13:08,695 --> 00:13:10,668
(audience laughing)

331
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,647
And just titty, titty,
titties for everybody.

332
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:13,758
(audience laughing)

333
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,773
Titties and hats, titties and hats.

334
00:13:15,815 --> 00:13:17,658
(audience laughing)

335
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:18,813
She was pissed.

336
00:13:19,951 --> 00:13:21,318
I was there, I tried to help her.

337
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,363
I said, Aretha, chill, chill.

338
00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:27,688
You're the dairy queen now.

339
00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:30,730
(audience laughing)

340
00:13:34,568 --> 00:13:36,614
Hats and big titties.

341
00:13:36,656 --> 00:13:37,447
(audience applauding)

342
00:13:37,489 --> 00:13:41,148
Now I am a southerner, Louisiana.

343
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,708
Now I'm getting ready to tell you

344
00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:46,338
how dumb white southerners are.

345
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:50,353
Texans, okay, you guys are
some dumb motherfuckers.

346
00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:53,388
(audience laughing)

347
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:55,488
You could have won that fucking war

348
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,618
with your dumb stupid ass.

349
00:13:57,660 --> 00:13:59,508
You had the army.

350
00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:01,158
The slaves.

351
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,778
Stupid.

352
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:05,178
We'd all be with the southern flag

353
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,019
and singing doodah and all that shit.

354
00:14:07,061 --> 00:14:07,968
(audience laughing)

355
00:14:08,010 --> 00:14:11,238
You would've won, you had the army.

356
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,728
You let the fucking north outmaneuver you.

357
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,008
They put them black men in those uniforms

358
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:18,948
and they beat your fucking ass.

359
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:21,228
You had the army, you had
more blacks than they did.

360
00:14:21,270 --> 00:14:23,058
You motherfuckers could've won.

361
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,018
You could've won this shit.

362
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,777
But your stupidity, no, no.

363
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,011
They's not human, no, I can't do that.

364
00:14:29,053 --> 00:14:30,494
(audience laughing)

365
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:31,713
With your dumb ass.

366
00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:35,103
But that white man's
always been slow and dumb.

367
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:38,268
The world is flat.

368
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:39,453
You'll fall off.

369
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,808
Watching movies with no sound.

370
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,850
(audience laughing)

371
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:51,353
Dumb.

372
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:57,183
We've always outsmarted that white man.

373
00:14:58,140 --> 00:14:59,058
He took our drums.

374
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,258
You're not gonna communicate.

375
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,363
There'll be no more beating of the drums.

376
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:05,898
So we made up tap dancing.

377
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,936
He thought we were entertaining him.

378
00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:10,998
(audience laughing)

379
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,801
Meet Harriet Tubman at 10,
we leaving this mother.

380
00:15:13,843 --> 00:15:15,508
(audience laughing)

381
00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:18,717
(audience applauding)

382
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:24,978
It's the end of the world,
so it doesn't matter.

383
00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:25,811
It's the end.

384
00:15:25,853 --> 00:15:27,048
If you have any sensitivity,

385
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:29,298
it's the end of the fucking world.

386
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,983
That's why seagulls are
sitting, oh, thank you.

387
00:15:32,852 --> 00:15:34,128
How lovely.

388
00:15:34,170 --> 00:15:35,868
There are some nice white folks.

389
00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:36,808
Okay, let's see.

390
00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:40,595
(audience laughing)

391
00:15:40,637 --> 00:15:42,348
Let me think, let me think.

392
00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:45,108
Over there, take it to them
'cause I'm on the wagon for now.

393
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:45,950
Right, right over there, give it to them.

394
00:15:45,992 --> 00:15:47,500
(audience cheering)

395
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,897
My white cousins, give
'em to my white cousins.

396
00:15:49,939 --> 00:15:51,348
(audience laughing)

397
00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:52,383
She's beautiful.

398
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:54,293
Oh.

399
00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:57,557
She's the white lady, trust me.

400
00:15:57,599 --> 00:15:59,928
(audience laughing)

401
00:15:59,970 --> 00:16:01,588
The black man's kryptonite.

402
00:16:01,630 --> 00:16:04,630
(audience laughing)

403
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:11,658
Why can't the black superman fly?

404
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:12,833
He's with that white woman.

405
00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:15,875
(audience laughing)

406
00:16:19,317 --> 00:16:20,108
No, it is.

407
00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:23,043
It is the end of the fricking world.

408
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:27,783
The seagulls are sitting
on top of Taco Bell.

409
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,103
Haven't seen water in two years.

410
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,448
Waiting for the french
fries and chicken wings

411
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:37,893
and bean burritos.

412
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,930
I saw a seagull attack
a pigeon and eat it.

413
00:16:41,972 --> 00:16:43,938
(audience laughing)

414
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,648
I'm telling you, it's the end.

415
00:16:45,690 --> 00:16:48,708
Rats in Central Park are raping squirrels.

416
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:49,549
It's all over with.

417
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,285
(audience laughing)

418
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:52,383
It's the fucking end.

419
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,248
Some white woman was in Central Park.

420
00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,388
I can't make this up.

421
00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:58,398
Had a little, the little
dogs, the little chihuahuas,

422
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,231
in her hand like this.

423
00:16:59,273 --> 00:17:00,767
A hawk came (Paul makes
screeching noise), took it.

424
00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:01,907
(Paul screaming)

425
00:17:01,949 --> 00:17:04,197
(audience laughing)

426
00:17:04,239 --> 00:17:06,375
It could have been a baby.

427
00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,504
Thank god it was a chihuahua.

428
00:17:08,546 --> 00:17:12,048
(audience laughing)

429
00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:14,692
It is truly the end of, goodnight.

430
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,734
(audience laughing)

431
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,199
Take a real good look at her,
she's gonna come up missing.

432
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,718
(audience laughing)

433
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,828
No, that is, the pretty white
woman always comes up missing.

434
00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:29,418
Look, you've seen the posters, missing.

435
00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:32,088
They're always the
pretty, cute white girl.

436
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:35,012
You have never seen no ugly
ass white bitch missing.

437
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,128
(audience laughing)

438
00:17:37,170 --> 00:17:38,838
The serial killer don't give a fuck

439
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,230
about the ugly white woman.

440
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,558
He will throw her out the van.

441
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,225
Get your ugly ass out the van.

442
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:47,267
(audience laughing)

443
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:51,138
But that pretty white
woman, he'll kill her.

444
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,219
You're cute, I'm going to kill you.

445
00:17:53,261 --> 00:17:55,188
(audience laughing)

446
00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:57,858
But it is the end, it is.

447
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,168
The wild animals are telling us.

448
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,654
Wild animals don't like white people.

449
00:18:01,696 --> 00:18:04,188
(audience laughing)

450
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,618
Look at that polar bear in Europe

451
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,312
biting that white woman all up in her ass.

452
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:11,595
(audience laughing)

453
00:18:11,637 --> 00:18:13,818
And she was crazy, jumping
in there trying to swim.

454
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,558
It just bit the shit out of her.

455
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,748
The other, what, the black
bear, the brown bear,

456
00:18:17,790 --> 00:18:20,028
they're attacking white people.

457
00:18:20,070 --> 00:18:22,218
White people are always
teaching wild animals shit.

458
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,498
You white folks, stop teaching wild shit.

459
00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:25,490
Stop teaching them.

460
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:28,899
No.

461
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,678
There was a circus bear in the woods

462
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,568
and some little boy at
15 was riding the bike.

463
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:33,831
The bear jumped on the
bike, rode the bike,

464
00:18:33,873 --> 00:18:35,543
they ain't seen the bear or the bike.

465
00:18:35,585 --> 00:18:38,585
(audience laughing)

466
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,028
That's the truth.

467
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:44,478
Another bear, a trained
bear, you read about it,

468
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,098
for commercials and movies,

469
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,588
grabbed the white man and just killed him.

470
00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:49,788
They don't like white people

471
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,828
'cause white people are
always trying to ride shit.

472
00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:52,760
Go to Sea World.

473
00:18:52,802 --> 00:18:54,498
(audience laughing)

474
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:57,114
White folks, stop trying to ride shit.

475
00:18:57,156 --> 00:19:00,348
(audience laughing)

476
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,448
Look at that tiger in Las Vegas

477
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,319
and them Zigfield or
whoever, they up there,

478
00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:07,668
oh, oh, the tiger was trying to save me.

479
00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:09,067
Yeah, for lunch.

480
00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:12,078
(audience laughing)

481
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,848
The mountain lion grabbed that white man,

482
00:19:13,890 --> 00:19:15,519
and the white man went
out in the backyard.

483
00:19:15,561 --> 00:19:16,352
Here kitty, kitty.

484
00:19:16,394 --> 00:19:17,408
(Paul making growling sounds)

485
00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:18,709
Just ate him up.

486
00:19:18,751 --> 00:19:22,185
(audience laughing)

487
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:23,898
I'm telling you, wild thing,

488
00:19:23,940 --> 00:19:25,998
that monkey went wild in New York.

489
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,368
White folks, they get crazy.

490
00:19:28,410 --> 00:19:29,748
Look at that tiger in San Francisco

491
00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:32,748
that dug that big hole in the
zoo and the tiger got out,

492
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:34,788
and the white folks were
so confused about it.

493
00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:36,063
How did it get out?

494
00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:38,785
Did the Mexicans help it?

495
00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:41,949
(audience laughing)

496
00:19:41,991 --> 00:19:43,191
They were talking crazy.

497
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,218
They were throwing rocks at that tiger.

498
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:47,238
They were fucking with that tiger.

499
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,508
You can't throw rocks at no big ass tiger.

500
00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:52,128
It got up out of there.

501
00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:53,688
And it wasn't a crazy tiger.

502
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:56,298
It ran by 20 people to
get the three people

503
00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:57,131
that were fucking with it.

504
00:19:57,173 --> 00:19:59,538
(audience laughing)

505
00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:02,238
It mauled two, ate one.

506
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,188
And you better believe the one it ate

507
00:20:04,230 --> 00:20:06,632
was the one throwing the goddamn rocks.

508
00:20:06,674 --> 00:20:07,671
(audience laughing)

509
00:20:07,713 --> 00:20:10,176
Should have gave that
tiger a purple heart.

510
00:20:10,218 --> 00:20:11,448
(audience laughing)

511
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:13,023
Killed it for being a tiger.

512
00:20:14,340 --> 00:20:15,588
I'm telling you, it's the end.

513
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:16,818
It's the end of the world.

514
00:20:16,860 --> 00:20:18,243
It's so sad.

515
00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:20,640
Kiss all this shit goodbye.

516
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,808
The wild animals and the children.

517
00:20:23,850 --> 00:20:26,028
The children are trying to tell us.

518
00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:28,218
They're trying to tell us.

519
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:31,068
A six year-old girl walked
into her mother's bedroom

520
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,018
with a seven year-old friend.

521
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:36,423
Mama was given daddy
head like Linda Lovelace.

522
00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:39,348
The little girl was shocked.

523
00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:40,728
She looked at her friend, she said,

524
00:20:40,770 --> 00:20:42,768
would you believe that bitch beat my ass

525
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:43,798
for sucking my thumb?

526
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,461
(audience laughing)

527
00:20:45,503 --> 00:20:48,670
(audience applauding)

528
00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:51,828
The children.

529
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:54,663
Listen to the children.

530
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,863
Oh, keep it real, keep it real.

531
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:07,093
Master, Paul's going to get us in trouble.

532
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:10,135
(audience laughing)

533
00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:13,818
And you black people
got that shit twisted.

534
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:16,562
You got that Chris Brown shit twisted.

535
00:21:16,604 --> 00:21:18,408
(audience laughing)

536
00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:20,778
Them girls from the
islands, they're pretty,

537
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:21,903
but they're violent,

538
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:24,483
and they're jealous.

539
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:26,771
Oh.

540
00:21:26,813 --> 00:21:27,694
- Hi, honey.

541
00:21:27,736 --> 00:21:28,542
- Black is truly beautiful.

542
00:21:28,584 --> 00:21:30,592
(audience laughing)

543
00:21:30,634 --> 00:21:33,801
(audience applauding)

544
00:21:36,767 --> 00:21:38,742
- You're doing a great job, honey.

545
00:21:38,784 --> 00:21:39,784
- Thank you.

546
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,578
The whole world should be like this.

547
00:21:43,620 --> 00:21:46,128
This is, no, this is not my
first time around naked women.

548
00:21:46,170 --> 00:21:47,520
I used to work for Playboy.

549
00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:50,755
No, you could see it on
the internet and all that.

550
00:21:50,797 --> 00:21:51,918
"Playboy After Dark."

551
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,960
For five years, I worked with them, with

552
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,018
Hugh Hefner's,

553
00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:57,851
Barbie

554
00:21:57,893 --> 00:22:01,218
and Janet and the six,

555
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:02,051
yeah, Barbie Benton,

556
00:22:02,093 --> 00:22:04,038
The 6 Million-Dollar
Woman, Lindsey Wagner.

557
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,358
We all come from there.

558
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,858
All of them too.

559
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,450
Oh, she's naked enough brother.

560
00:22:09,392 --> 00:22:10,638
- [Male Audience Member 2]
We're sweating down here too.

561
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:11,598
- Brother, she's naked.

562
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,136
What are you, a fucking outpatient?

563
00:22:13,178 --> 00:22:16,178
(audience laughing)

564
00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:24,738
But that's Oprah's fault.

565
00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:27,168
What you just heard him
talking, that's Oprah did that.

566
00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:28,960
People didn't do that before Oprah.

567
00:22:30,210 --> 00:22:31,001
No, I'm serious.

568
00:22:31,043 --> 00:22:33,843
Oprah made people feel
that they were important.

569
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,885
(audience laughing)

570
00:22:40,350 --> 00:22:42,304
You know Oprah is fat again.

571
00:22:42,346 --> 00:22:43,608
- [Female Audience Member 2] Yeah, huge.

572
00:22:43,650 --> 00:22:44,778
- She's fat again.

573
00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:45,820
That's a damn shame.

574
00:22:46,950 --> 00:22:48,888
And she's talking about, it's her thyroid.

575
00:22:48,930 --> 00:22:50,298
Thank you, baby.

576
00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:51,982
Thanks, thank you, thank you, lovely.

577
00:22:52,024 --> 00:22:52,897
- [Male Audience Member 2] Thank you.

578
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:54,498
(audience applauding)

579
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,763
- No, Oprah is fat again.

580
00:22:57,780 --> 00:22:59,148
She said her thyroid.

581
00:22:59,190 --> 00:23:00,671
Bitch, them neck bones.

582
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:03,713
(audience laughing)

583
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,948
Come on, Oprah.

584
00:23:06,990 --> 00:23:08,373
Neck bones.

585
00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:10,728
Can't keep up with Oprah.

586
00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:11,808
That fat, skinny bitch.

587
00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:13,638
Fat, skinny, skinny, fat.

588
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,828
Make your mind up.

589
00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:18,108
Just eating, eating, eating.

590
00:23:18,150 --> 00:23:19,428
But I have a love hate for Oprah.

591
00:23:19,470 --> 00:23:21,385
I sent her a gift for Easter.

592
00:23:21,427 --> 00:23:22,518
- [Female Audience Member 2] What was it?

593
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,925
- A talking refrigerator.

594
00:23:23,967 --> 00:23:25,848
(audience laughing)

595
00:23:25,890 --> 00:23:26,778
What do you mean, oh?

596
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:27,708
She needs it.

597
00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:30,018
Every time she go to
it, it's gonna tell her

598
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:32,577
all the ice cream is
gone, bitch, go to sleep.

599
00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:35,628
(audience laughing)

600
00:23:35,670 --> 00:23:38,292
Ain't no more sweet potato pie, go to bed.

601
00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:40,668
(audience laughing)

602
00:23:40,710 --> 00:23:42,033
See Oprah's a trip.

603
00:23:42,930 --> 00:23:46,527
Something happened on that
movie, "The Color Purple."

604
00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:49,698
Something 'cause Whoopi and her,

605
00:23:49,740 --> 00:23:51,378
Whoopi has never been on her show.

606
00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:52,345
Let's keep it real.

607
00:23:52,387 --> 00:23:53,178
- [Female Audience Member 2] Yeah.

608
00:23:53,220 --> 00:23:56,276
- When she had that diva
special, Whoopi wasn't invited.

609
00:23:56,318 --> 00:23:57,109
- [Female Audience Member 2] That's right.

610
00:23:57,151 --> 00:23:57,942
- That was back in the day

611
00:23:57,984 --> 00:24:00,011
when Oprah was a big water buffalo.

612
00:24:00,053 --> 00:24:02,328
(audience groaning)

613
00:24:02,370 --> 00:24:05,247
Whoopi saw something no
human being should have seen.

614
00:24:05,289 --> 00:24:07,008
(audience laughing)

615
00:24:07,050 --> 00:24:08,358
Maybe a night feeding.

616
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,302
Something she saw.

617
00:24:09,344 --> 00:24:12,344
(audience laughing)

618
00:24:15,870 --> 00:24:17,718
Maybe Oprah was eating children.

619
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:18,644
I don't know.

620
00:24:18,686 --> 00:24:19,908
(audience laughing)

621
00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:23,765
Whoopi saw some shit no
Christian should have.

622
00:24:23,807 --> 00:24:26,298
(audience laughing)

623
00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:27,740
Come on, let's keep it real.

624
00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:31,008
Then they wouldn't let her
in that store in Europe.

625
00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:32,988
Remember in that store
they wouldn't let in?

626
00:24:33,030 --> 00:24:35,358
And then they wouldn't let
her in that store in New York.

627
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,318
Twice that's happened.

628
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,958
They wouldn't let darkie in that store.

629
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,688
All that fame, all that money.

630
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,480
Blackie couldn't get in that store.

631
00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:46,698
But you know what, I blame Oprah for that.

632
00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:48,708
'Cause when Oprah don't have on no makeup,

633
00:24:48,750 --> 00:24:49,990
you don't know who Oprah is.

634
00:24:50,032 --> 00:24:52,488
(audience laughing)

635
00:24:52,530 --> 00:24:54,494
I wouldn't let Oprah in my backyard.

636
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:56,928
(audience laughing)

637
00:24:56,970 --> 00:24:59,881
Who is that little pickaninny
trying to get in my backyard?

638
00:24:59,923 --> 00:25:02,328
(audience laughing)

639
00:25:02,370 --> 00:25:04,243
Shoo, fly, shoo.

640
00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:05,750
(audience laughing)

641
00:25:05,792 --> 00:25:07,248
- [Female Audience Member
3] Rihanna and Chris Brown.

642
00:25:07,290 --> 00:25:08,962
- Rihanna and Chris Brown, what happened?

643
00:25:09,004 --> 00:25:09,795
- [Female Audience Member 3] Yeah,

644
00:25:09,837 --> 00:25:11,586
what happened to the island
women you was telling us about?

645
00:25:11,628 --> 00:25:12,751
- Oh, I was telling you
about, you got it, you got it,

646
00:25:12,793 --> 00:25:14,523
you got it twisted.

647
00:25:15,544 --> 00:25:17,963
That woman beat the shit out that boy.

648
00:25:18,005 --> 00:25:21,138
(audience laughing)

649
00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:22,158
I hope he go to jail.

650
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,138
He'll be safe.

651
00:25:23,180 --> 00:25:24,588
(audience laughing)

652
00:25:24,630 --> 00:25:26,028
She beat his ass.

653
00:25:26,070 --> 00:25:28,038
That's why the boy bit her.

654
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,078
You bite when you scared.

655
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,311
Mike Tyson bit that man
'cause he was scared.

656
00:25:32,353 --> 00:25:34,038
(audience laughing)

657
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,933
You bite when you scared,
man or woman, you'll bite.

658
00:25:38,430 --> 00:25:40,409
That girl beat that boy,
that's why he's back with her.

659
00:25:40,451 --> 00:25:42,116
She said, I'll beat your
ass, you better come back.

660
00:25:42,158 --> 00:25:43,878
(audience laughing)

661
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,248
Them island girls are slick, they smart.

662
00:25:46,290 --> 00:25:47,568
She got a big forehead.

663
00:25:47,610 --> 00:25:49,518
She was foreheading and bumping him,

664
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:50,351
hitting him, hitting him.

665
00:25:50,393 --> 00:25:51,184
(audience laughing)

666
00:25:51,226 --> 00:25:52,473
It don't leave scars.

667
00:25:57,810 --> 00:26:00,918
Look, have you ever seen a
professional fighter, a boxer,

668
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,018
black eye all beat up?

669
00:26:03,060 --> 00:26:05,660
The person they beat is
damn near dead, knocked out.

670
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,294
She won that fight.

671
00:26:08,336 --> 00:26:10,128
(audience laughing)

672
00:26:10,170 --> 00:26:11,688
And she called her friend Naomi.

673
00:26:11,730 --> 00:26:13,416
You better be glad Naomi
didn't get over there.

674
00:26:13,458 --> 00:26:14,298
(audience laughing)

675
00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:16,368
She told Naomi, get over
here, bring your cell phone.

676
00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:17,970
We kicking ass, we kicking asses.

677
00:26:18,012 --> 00:26:19,488
(audience laughing)

678
00:26:19,530 --> 00:26:21,766
Naomi would've got there,
that boy would've been dead.

679
00:26:21,808 --> 00:26:25,428
(audience laughing)

680
00:26:25,470 --> 00:26:26,613
You got it twisted.

681
00:26:28,890 --> 00:26:31,673
You could tell by her song
something wrong with that girl.

682
00:26:32,804 --> 00:26:33,708
Brella, brella.

683
00:26:33,750 --> 00:26:34,642
The girl is crazy.

684
00:26:34,684 --> 00:26:37,684
(audience laughing)

685
00:26:42,510 --> 00:26:43,488
Is Whitney coming back?

686
00:26:43,530 --> 00:26:44,763
Is Whitney coming back?

687
00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:48,513
Is she coming back?

688
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,183
Is Whitney coming back?

689
00:26:53,910 --> 00:26:55,608
Bobby has a tell-all book.

690
00:26:55,650 --> 00:26:57,550
He said that Whitney got him on crack.

691
00:26:59,490 --> 00:27:01,248
And he said when he was
going out with Janet,

692
00:27:01,290 --> 00:27:03,798
she had him drinking,
she made him a drunk.

693
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:04,938
Then he said he dated Oprah.

694
00:27:04,980 --> 00:27:07,436
She had him eating biscuits and syrup.

695
00:27:07,478 --> 00:27:10,478
(audience laughing)

696
00:27:13,710 --> 00:27:14,988
Whitney tried to come back.

697
00:27:15,030 --> 00:27:16,810
Didn't she try to come back?

698
00:27:16,852 --> 00:27:19,435
(Paul singing)

699
00:27:20,449 --> 00:27:21,849
Didn't she try to come back?

700
00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:24,468
No, she's singing, what is she singing?

701
00:27:24,510 --> 00:27:27,041
No, pledge allegiance to the flag, right?

702
00:27:27,083 --> 00:27:27,874
(Paul singing)

703
00:27:27,916 --> 00:27:32,668
♪ Oh, say can you (Paul snorting) ♪

704
00:27:32,710 --> 00:27:33,749
(audience laughing)

705
00:27:33,791 --> 00:27:38,791
♪ By the dawn's early (Paul snorting) ♪

706
00:27:40,809 --> 00:27:45,215
♪ And so proudly we (Paul snorting) ♪

707
00:27:45,257 --> 00:27:47,778
(audience groaning)

708
00:27:47,820 --> 00:27:52,372
Let's talk about that
whore Barbara Walters.

709
00:27:52,414 --> 00:27:55,414
(audience laughing)

710
00:27:57,060 --> 00:27:58,308
Oh, you think I'm being cold?

711
00:27:58,350 --> 00:28:00,078
Didn't you read her book?

712
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,628
Sleeping with that high
yellow married brother,

713
00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:04,428
breaking the seventh commandment.

714
00:28:04,470 --> 00:28:06,018
You all think I'm being hard?

715
00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:07,785
Any married women here?

716
00:28:07,827 --> 00:28:09,198
(women cheering)

717
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:14,240
Married women, if a single
woman fucks a married man,

718
00:28:14,790 --> 00:28:17,275
and she knows he's married, what is she?

719
00:28:17,317 --> 00:28:19,158
- [Female Audience Members] A whore.

720
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,673
- See, see?

721
00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:22,373
See?

722
00:28:23,550 --> 00:28:25,728
You single women ain't said shit

723
00:28:25,770 --> 00:28:27,309
'cause you could have been that ho.

724
00:28:27,351 --> 00:28:30,351
(audience laughing)

725
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,708
But when you get married
and hear me say that,

726
00:28:33,750 --> 00:28:35,883
you'll be louder than anybody in here.

727
00:28:37,110 --> 00:28:37,901
Where's that bitch?

728
00:28:37,943 --> 00:28:38,913
I'll kill that bitch.

729
00:28:40,050 --> 00:28:42,978
Because it doesn't only affect the woman,

730
00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:45,528
it affects her, her kids, her parents.

731
00:28:45,570 --> 00:28:46,941
It affects everybody.

732
00:28:46,983 --> 00:28:48,453
It's a snowball.

733
00:28:49,290 --> 00:28:52,038
That's one selfish move is a snowball.

734
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:56,118
But let me tell you how
human beings relate to shit.

735
00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,918
I could tell you right now,
my brother is fucking my wife.

736
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,458
You could be my friend, you
go, oh, Paul, that's so sad.

737
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:05,433
That's horrible.

738
00:29:06,330 --> 00:29:08,866
But if I tell you my brother
is fucking your wife,

739
00:29:08,908 --> 00:29:09,858
you know what you say?

740
00:29:09,900 --> 00:29:11,464
I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

741
00:29:11,506 --> 00:29:13,668
(audience laughing)

742
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,903
See the difference when it happens to you?

743
00:29:18,030 --> 00:29:21,348
Human beings are real funny
when it comes to shit like that.

744
00:29:21,390 --> 00:29:23,208
It's strange, but it is the end world.

745
00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:25,308
Somebody told me that Janet Jackson

746
00:29:25,350 --> 00:29:27,123
had a complete nervous breakdown.

747
00:29:28,410 --> 00:29:30,327
Well that little black
leprechaun, she go with.

748
00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:33,369
(audience laughing)

749
00:29:34,980 --> 00:29:37,601
Her favorite movie must
have been "Gremlins."

750
00:29:37,643 --> 00:29:40,878
(audience laughing)

751
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,029
Don't let 'em go near water.

752
00:29:43,071 --> 00:29:44,726
(audience laughing)

753
00:29:44,768 --> 00:29:46,582
I want my motherfucking gold.

754
00:29:46,624 --> 00:29:48,918
(audience laughing)

755
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,328
But I love rappers, I love them.

756
00:29:50,370 --> 00:29:51,858
I wanna be a rapper.

757
00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:53,598
Rappers get whatever they want.

758
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,618
They get what they want.

759
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:55,848
They're like an institution.

760
00:29:55,890 --> 00:29:58,128
It could be 10 of them rapping,
you could shoot 10 of 'em,

761
00:29:58,170 --> 00:29:59,564
10 more is waiting to take their place.

762
00:29:59,606 --> 00:30:01,158
(audience laughing)

763
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,250
They're like roaches, you can't stop 'em.

764
00:30:05,610 --> 00:30:09,046
And they're everywhere, they're
everywhere but the library.

765
00:30:09,088 --> 00:30:11,658
(audience laughing)

766
00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:13,908
But they get what they fucking want.

767
00:30:13,950 --> 00:30:16,968
I've seen rappers in movies,
they co-star their first film

768
00:30:17,010 --> 00:30:20,838
with Academy Award performers
just because they're rappers.

769
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,028
Snoop Dogg's on some major soap opera.

770
00:30:23,070 --> 00:30:23,898
Then he's on a TV show.

771
00:30:23,940 --> 00:30:26,628
They just get what the fuck they want.

772
00:30:26,670 --> 00:30:29,420
The brain surgeon will not
be operating this afternoon.

773
00:30:30,750 --> 00:30:32,173
50 Cents will be taking his place.

774
00:30:32,215 --> 00:30:35,178
(audience laughing)

775
00:30:35,220 --> 00:30:37,008
They don't have to know
nothing about nothing.

776
00:30:37,050 --> 00:30:38,733
Just be a goddamn rapper.

777
00:30:40,657 --> 00:30:41,988
"Dancing with the Stars."

778
00:30:42,030 --> 00:30:42,880
You've seen them.

779
00:30:44,137 --> 00:30:45,888
"Dancing with the Stars" called me.

780
00:30:45,930 --> 00:30:48,648
I said, I don't wanna
dance with no damn stars.

781
00:30:48,690 --> 00:30:50,433
I'll fuck the stars, I wanna fuck 'em.

782
00:30:50,475 --> 00:30:53,448
(audience laughing)

783
00:30:53,490 --> 00:30:55,692
Fucking the stars, a much better show.

784
00:30:55,734 --> 00:30:57,888
(audience laughing)

785
00:30:57,930 --> 00:31:00,198
I wanna see the judge's reaction.

786
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:01,346
Oh my god.

787
00:31:01,388 --> 00:31:04,353
(audience laughing)

788
00:31:04,395 --> 00:31:06,093
I've never seen a move like that.

789
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:09,318
You'll be back.

790
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,917
You'll definitely be back.

791
00:31:11,959 --> 00:31:14,178
(audience laughing)

792
00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:15,393
Now that's a good show.

793
00:31:16,837 --> 00:31:18,408
"American Idol."

794
00:31:18,450 --> 00:31:19,998
Is America that bored?

795
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,003
Are we that bored?

796
00:31:23,550 --> 00:31:24,348
They will fight you.

797
00:31:24,390 --> 00:31:25,938
They know who they wanna vote for.

798
00:31:25,980 --> 00:31:28,188
In the real election, they
don't have any idea, not a clue.

799
00:31:28,230 --> 00:31:30,693
But in "American Idol,"
they'll argue with you.

800
00:31:31,721 --> 00:31:32,583
It's a hit.

801
00:31:33,420 --> 00:31:35,319
And that Paula ab Negro.

802
00:31:35,361 --> 00:31:37,308
(audience laughing)

803
00:31:37,350 --> 00:31:39,200
She wants to be everything but black.

804
00:31:40,110 --> 00:31:42,168
I just want to get a
microphone and go on that set

805
00:31:42,210 --> 00:31:43,668
and go,

806
00:31:43,710 --> 00:31:44,638
nigger!

807
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,658
(audience laughing)

808
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:52,330
And watch her go, Randy,
they're talking to you, dog.

809
00:31:52,372 --> 00:31:56,088
(audience laughing)

810
00:31:56,130 --> 00:31:57,858
And these diseases.

811
00:31:57,900 --> 00:31:59,928
Where did these diseases come from?

812
00:31:59,970 --> 00:32:02,478
They're on TV every day.

813
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,550
I mean, what is it with your hand?

814
00:32:04,592 --> 00:32:05,383
- [Female Audience
Member 4] Carpal Tunnel.

815
00:32:05,425 --> 00:32:07,008
- Carpal Tunnel, okay.

816
00:32:07,050 --> 00:32:07,841
Alzheimer's.

817
00:32:07,883 --> 00:32:10,428
What, dyslexic, what's some other shit?

818
00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:12,153
There's so much, arthritis.

819
00:32:12,990 --> 00:32:15,528
What else, dementia, there's all kind.

820
00:32:15,570 --> 00:32:19,398
I wanna know where was all these diseases

821
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,019
when we needed it during slavery?

822
00:32:21,061 --> 00:32:24,447
(audience laughing)

823
00:32:24,489 --> 00:32:26,822
I could have used that shit.

824
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,033
I's a slave, master?

825
00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:31,802
I forgot.

826
00:32:31,844 --> 00:32:34,844
(audience laughing)

827
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,078
Master, I can't pick cotton.

828
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:40,655
My arthritis, I.

829
00:32:40,697 --> 00:32:43,938
(audience laughing)

830
00:32:43,980 --> 00:32:45,318
I'm a dyslexic, master.

831
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,269
I don't know cotton from oranges.

832
00:32:47,311 --> 00:32:50,311
(audience laughing)

833
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,223
I could have slept all day.

834
00:32:54,300 --> 00:32:56,868
I got the sleeping sickness, master.

835
00:32:56,910 --> 00:32:59,077
African fly bit me, I can't get up.

836
00:32:59,119 --> 00:33:02,119
(audience laughing)

837
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,838
When master got through beating your ass,

838
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,680
you would pick that cotton and sing.

839
00:33:11,670 --> 00:33:15,078
But that's all these goddamn diseases.

840
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,413
The shit is scary.

841
00:33:17,958 --> 00:33:20,328
It is some scary shit

842
00:33:20,370 --> 00:33:22,620
because the demons are
running this shit now.

843
00:33:23,665 --> 00:33:25,548
And that white man,
he's so funny, ain't he?

844
00:33:25,590 --> 00:33:27,408
He done fucked up the atmosphere.

845
00:33:27,450 --> 00:33:28,548
They fucked up all the shit.

846
00:33:28,590 --> 00:33:31,158
And just like here, there's
a shortage of water.

847
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,628
If there's a shortage, why
you selling it at the store?

848
00:33:33,670 --> 00:33:35,328
(audience laughing)

849
00:33:35,370 --> 00:33:37,368
There's a shortage of water,
don't wash your driveway,

850
00:33:37,410 --> 00:33:39,676
but you selling the shit at Ralph's.

851
00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:41,118
(audience laughing)

852
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,708
Does that make sense?

853
00:33:42,750 --> 00:33:45,168
And where does a white man
get off selling the water?

854
00:33:45,210 --> 00:33:46,638
Water don't come from your mama's pussy.

855
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,210
It comes from god.

856
00:33:48,252 --> 00:33:49,043
(audience laughing)

857
00:33:49,085 --> 00:33:50,643
That's not your water.

858
00:33:51,941 --> 00:33:53,418
There ain't no good and bad water.

859
00:33:53,460 --> 00:33:54,251
That's water.

860
00:33:54,293 --> 00:33:55,188
We die without water.

861
00:33:55,230 --> 00:33:56,658
They'll be selling air next.

862
00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:58,758
That white man is crazy.

863
00:33:58,800 --> 00:33:59,988
He done fucked up the ozone.

864
00:34:00,030 --> 00:34:02,544
He done fucked up all kind of shit.

865
00:34:02,586 --> 00:34:03,768
That white man is insane.

866
00:34:03,810 --> 00:34:06,198
He spends all billions
and trillions of dollars

867
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,518
trying to go to space.

868
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,018
God has put you here already.

869
00:34:09,060 --> 00:34:10,518
Earth hangs in the middle of space.

870
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,230
You're trying to go
where you already are at.

871
00:34:12,272 --> 00:34:15,498
(audience laughing)

872
00:34:15,540 --> 00:34:18,137
You're hanging right in the
middle of space, you're here.

873
00:34:18,179 --> 00:34:21,179
(audience laughing)

874
00:34:22,157 --> 00:34:23,673
Silly shit.

875
00:34:25,980 --> 00:34:26,958
He just fucks up everything.

876
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:28,695
And then he runs around talking about,

877
00:34:28,737 --> 00:34:32,058
oh, the endangered
species is the polar bear.

878
00:34:32,100 --> 00:34:33,138
There are only two left.

879
00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:35,358
That's such bullshit.

880
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:38,598
You know who the endangered species is?

881
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,503
The young white woman.

882
00:34:41,910 --> 00:34:44,028
Go to the movies, watch TV.

883
00:34:44,070 --> 00:34:45,798
Did you see "Friday the
13th," all that shit?

884
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,538
Who was he trying to kill?

885
00:34:47,580 --> 00:34:48,648
The young white woman.

886
00:34:48,690 --> 00:34:49,938
That's the endangered species.

887
00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:53,118
Hollywood tells the
world, kill that bitch.

888
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,089
Kill her.

889
00:34:54,131 --> 00:34:55,158
(audience laughing)

890
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,238
Watch TV.

891
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,828
I'm not making it up, watch it.

892
00:34:57,870 --> 00:35:00,168
Kill her, kill her, she
ain't shit, kill the bitch.

893
00:35:00,210 --> 00:35:02,148
Rape her, kill her, murder her.

894
00:35:02,190 --> 00:35:03,023
Choke her.

895
00:35:04,110 --> 00:35:06,768
That's what Hollywood sends
out all over the world.

896
00:35:06,810 --> 00:35:10,008
That's why white women all
over the world come up missing.

897
00:35:10,050 --> 00:35:11,623
Susie could be sitting right next to you.

898
00:35:11,665 --> 00:35:14,665
(audience laughing)

899
00:35:16,230 --> 00:35:18,162
God, Susie was just here, where is she?

900
00:35:18,204 --> 00:35:19,931
(audience laughing)

901
00:35:19,973 --> 00:35:22,640
They can find all Susie's
shit, but they can't find her.

902
00:35:22,682 --> 00:35:23,778
(audience laughing)

903
00:35:23,820 --> 00:35:25,830
Isn't that Susie's car keys?

904
00:35:25,872 --> 00:35:27,948
(audience laughing)

905
00:35:27,990 --> 00:35:29,673
My god, it's her yearbook.

906
00:35:32,190 --> 00:35:34,413
Susie, but fuck, where's Susie?

907
00:35:35,850 --> 00:35:38,718
That's who the endangered species is.

908
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,088
The young white female.

909
00:35:41,130 --> 00:35:43,068
'Cause that white man
does not know how to say,

910
00:35:43,110 --> 00:35:45,888
I don't love you, goodbye, it's over.

911
00:35:45,930 --> 00:35:48,198
That's not in his vocabulary.

912
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:49,248
You are sleeping with the enemy.

913
00:35:49,290 --> 00:35:51,183
He wants to fucking kill you.

914
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,258
And the white lady will
be pregnant and get bold.

915
00:35:54,300 --> 00:35:56,028
I'm carrying your baby.

916
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:58,064
And you'll find her and
that baby in the river.

917
00:35:58,106 --> 00:36:00,708
(audience laughing)

918
00:36:00,750 --> 00:36:01,848
She'll walk her dog.

919
00:36:01,890 --> 00:36:03,348
A little dog will come back wet.

920
00:36:03,390 --> 00:36:04,637
That should tell you something.

921
00:36:04,679 --> 00:36:07,728
(audience laughing)

922
00:36:07,770 --> 00:36:08,924
And see that white man.

923
00:36:08,966 --> 00:36:10,068
(Paul barking)

924
00:36:10,110 --> 00:36:11,536
A little dog will get crazy.

925
00:36:11,578 --> 00:36:14,988
(audience laughing)

926
00:36:15,030 --> 00:36:18,288
The white woman is the endangered species.

927
00:36:18,330 --> 00:36:19,518
White woman, get you a black man.

928
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,708
A black man knows how to say goodbye.

929
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:23,027
Fuck you, I'm outta here.

930
00:36:23,069 --> 00:36:24,188
(audience laughing)

931
00:36:24,230 --> 00:36:28,038
(audience applauding)

932
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:29,613
But that white man.

933
00:36:31,410 --> 00:36:33,018
While that white lady sleeps,

934
00:36:33,060 --> 00:36:35,165
that white man's up measuring her.

935
00:36:35,207 --> 00:36:38,988
(audience laughing)

936
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,338
While that white lady sleeps,

937
00:36:40,380 --> 00:36:42,503
that white man's up building shit.

938
00:36:42,545 --> 00:36:43,826
(Paul tapping microphone)

939
00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:46,868
(audience laughing)

940
00:36:49,770 --> 00:36:51,108
Oh, you think I'm bullshitting?

941
00:36:51,150 --> 00:36:52,229
Go to Home Depot.

942
00:36:52,271 --> 00:36:54,678
(audience laughing)

943
00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:56,455
They're out of duct tape.

944
00:36:56,497 --> 00:36:59,718
(audience laughing)

945
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:01,218
That white man will drive home

946
00:37:01,260 --> 00:37:02,778
with a brand new station wagon.

947
00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:04,454
We're going on a trip.

948
00:37:04,496 --> 00:37:07,578
(audience laughing)

949
00:37:07,620 --> 00:37:10,878
While we sleep, that white
man will take that white woman

950
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,338
to the darkest, deepest part of the woods.

951
00:37:13,380 --> 00:37:14,508
And she'll bitch.

952
00:37:14,550 --> 00:37:18,048
Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my.

953
00:37:18,090 --> 00:37:19,218
Lions, she's scared.

954
00:37:19,260 --> 00:37:21,168
And tigers, and bears, oh my.

955
00:37:21,210 --> 00:37:23,148
And then she'll look that
white man right in the face.

956
00:37:23,190 --> 00:37:24,108
I'm scared.

957
00:37:24,150 --> 00:37:26,298
He'll look her right back in her face.

958
00:37:26,340 --> 00:37:27,408
You scared?

959
00:37:27,450 --> 00:37:28,458
I'm scared.

960
00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:30,266
I gotta walk back by myself.

961
00:37:30,308 --> 00:37:33,978
(audience laughing)

962
00:37:34,020 --> 00:37:36,828
She ain't coming back.

963
00:37:36,870 --> 00:37:39,078
And that white man can act, he can act.

964
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:40,190
They'll go straight to his house.

965
00:37:40,232 --> 00:37:41,358
(Paul tapping microphone)

966
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:42,498
Becky's missing.

967
00:37:42,540 --> 00:37:43,545
Really?

968
00:37:43,587 --> 00:37:46,587
(audience laughing)

969
00:37:50,490 --> 00:37:53,530
He would've chopped Becky
up and put her in a shoebox

970
00:37:55,830 --> 00:37:57,468
and act like ain't nothing happening.

971
00:37:57,510 --> 00:37:59,807
Well, if she calls, I'll call you.

972
00:37:59,849 --> 00:38:02,849
(audience laughing)

973
00:38:04,830 --> 00:38:06,228
Don't look at me like
I'm making this shit up.

974
00:38:06,270 --> 00:38:07,998
You've seen that white man on TV.

975
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,908
He'll talk so crazy
about killing white women

976
00:38:10,950 --> 00:38:12,378
like he's shopping at the mall.

977
00:38:12,420 --> 00:38:14,388
Oh, I stabbed her, I cut her.

978
00:38:14,430 --> 00:38:16,008
I went by Helen's house.

979
00:38:16,050 --> 00:38:17,748
She was lucky she wasn't at home.

980
00:38:17,790 --> 00:38:18,581
And then I.

981
00:38:18,623 --> 00:38:21,618
(audience laughing)

982
00:38:23,490 --> 00:38:26,358
But you have to give it
up to that white man.

983
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,313
That crazy white man knows
what to say in that courtroom.

984
00:38:30,630 --> 00:38:31,813
Crazy white man.

985
00:38:31,855 --> 00:38:34,855
(audience laughing)

986
00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:38,148
Why did you wake up in
the middle of the night

987
00:38:38,190 --> 00:38:38,981
and kill your wife?

988
00:38:39,023 --> 00:38:40,230
(Paul laughing)

989
00:38:40,272 --> 00:38:41,598
(audience laughing)

990
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,258
I was sleepwalking.

991
00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:45,048
(audience laughing)

992
00:38:45,090 --> 00:38:46,968
Sleepwalking.

993
00:38:47,010 --> 00:38:48,138
What an unusual case.

994
00:38:48,180 --> 00:38:50,208
We're gonna have to study it.

995
00:38:50,250 --> 00:38:52,008
Crazy black man, why'd you kill your wife?

996
00:38:52,050 --> 00:38:52,841
I was sleep.

997
00:38:52,883 --> 00:38:54,288
Sleepwalking?

998
00:38:54,330 --> 00:38:55,338
We're gonna put you to sleep.

999
00:38:55,380 --> 00:38:56,623
There'll be no more sleepwalking.

1000
00:38:56,665 --> 00:38:59,665
(audience laughing)

1001
00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:06,708
Crazy white man, why did you wake up

1002
00:39:06,750 --> 00:39:08,658
and kill all five people in your house?

1003
00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:11,163
I'm five different personalities.

1004
00:39:11,205 --> 00:39:12,978
Five different people.

1005
00:39:13,020 --> 00:39:14,178
What an unusual case.

1006
00:39:14,220 --> 00:39:15,634
We'll have to study this.

1007
00:39:15,676 --> 00:39:16,758
(audience laughing)

1008
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:17,898
Crazy black man, why'd you?

1009
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:18,828
I'm five diff.

1010
00:39:18,870 --> 00:39:20,823
Five different black people?

1011
00:39:22,530 --> 00:39:25,308
Just pick what black person you wanna be.

1012
00:39:25,350 --> 00:39:26,961
Somebody black's going to jail today.

1013
00:39:27,003 --> 00:39:29,688
(audience laughing)

1014
00:39:29,730 --> 00:39:31,218
I was renting a white woman a house.

1015
00:39:31,260 --> 00:39:33,258
She did that same shit to me.

1016
00:39:33,300 --> 00:39:34,788
I'm five different personalities.

1017
00:39:34,830 --> 00:39:37,127
I said, bitch, I'm raising your rent.

1018
00:39:37,169 --> 00:39:40,038
(audience laughing)

1019
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,738
I got off into that
pocketbook, she got real sane.

1020
00:39:42,780 --> 00:39:44,628
Sir, they all moved away, it's just me.

1021
00:39:44,670 --> 00:39:45,564
I said, yeah.

1022
00:39:45,606 --> 00:39:46,703
(audience laughing)

1023
00:39:46,745 --> 00:39:49,912
(audience applauding)

1024
00:39:52,690 --> 00:39:54,771
No, it's the end of the world.

1025
00:39:54,813 --> 00:39:55,803
It's the end.

1026
00:39:56,790 --> 00:39:57,918
Everybody done went crazy.

1027
00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,538
The school teachers done went crazy.

1028
00:39:59,580 --> 00:40:01,128
They arrested another school teacher

1029
00:40:01,170 --> 00:40:03,123
with an eight year-old in Mexico.

1030
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,213
What is wrong with these school teachers?

1031
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,215
You're supposed to teach
the kids, not fuck 'em.

1032
00:40:10,257 --> 00:40:12,138
(audience laughing)

1033
00:40:12,180 --> 00:40:13,368
I tried to figure it out.

1034
00:40:13,410 --> 00:40:15,393
I said, we don't pay them enough money.

1035
00:40:17,130 --> 00:40:18,055
We don't.

1036
00:40:18,097 --> 00:40:18,888
(audience applauding)

1037
00:40:18,930 --> 00:40:20,313
We don't pay them enough money.

1038
00:40:21,570 --> 00:40:25,728
So the school teacher
says, you're fucking me,

1039
00:40:25,770 --> 00:40:26,913
I'll fuck your kids.

1040
00:40:28,139 --> 00:40:29,943
You fuck me, I'll fuck your kids.

1041
00:40:31,230 --> 00:40:32,268
Good morning, class.

1042
00:40:32,310 --> 00:40:33,723
Two and two is four.

1043
00:40:34,650 --> 00:40:37,051
And the pussy's real good, come get it.

1044
00:40:37,093 --> 00:40:39,258
(audience laughing)

1045
00:40:39,300 --> 00:40:40,893
The teacher is a freak.

1046
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,258
Because I get tired of
people with our kids.

1047
00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:46,998
These people just killing our kids,

1048
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,088
raping 'em and murder 'em,
and then saying I'm crazy.

1049
00:40:50,130 --> 00:40:50,985
You're not crazy.

1050
00:40:51,027 --> 00:40:51,888
You have choices.

1051
00:40:51,930 --> 00:40:52,721
You know what you're doing.

1052
00:40:52,763 --> 00:40:53,898
That ain't fucking crazy.

1053
00:40:53,940 --> 00:40:56,268
Crazy is sitting in the
middle of the freeway

1054
00:40:56,310 --> 00:40:57,858
and eating a bowl of dog shit.

1055
00:40:57,900 --> 00:40:58,884
That's a crazy person.

1056
00:40:58,926 --> 00:41:01,128
(audience laughing)

1057
00:41:01,170 --> 00:41:03,183
That's a crazy person.

1058
00:41:05,670 --> 00:41:07,248
That other shit is bullshit.

1059
00:41:07,290 --> 00:41:09,090
You know what the fuck you're doing.

1060
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:12,378
When they rape and murder my six year-old,

1061
00:41:12,420 --> 00:41:14,913
I'm gonna show you what
crazy is really about.

1062
00:41:15,750 --> 00:41:17,998
I'm chopping somebody's head off.

1063
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,798
(audience applauding)

1064
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:23,103
Yeah, now that's crazy.

1065
00:41:24,660 --> 00:41:27,195
And I'm taking it to
the bar and talk to it.

1066
00:41:27,237 --> 00:41:30,138
(audience laughing)

1067
00:41:30,180 --> 00:41:33,113
Gimme a scotch and soda and
give my friend here a beer.

1068
00:41:33,155 --> 00:41:36,155
(audience laughing)

1069
00:41:37,110 --> 00:41:38,268
It's gonna be on "Cops,"

1070
00:41:38,310 --> 00:41:41,485
and you're gonna be sitting
there going, that man is crazy.

1071
00:41:41,527 --> 00:41:44,527
(audience laughing)

1072
00:41:47,352 --> 00:41:50,718
And I don't know what this
terrorist bullshit is.

1073
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:51,558
It's bullshit.

1074
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,478
There are no terrorists.

1075
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,398
It was all bullshit.

1076
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,258
If there were terrorists, listen to me.

1077
00:41:57,300 --> 00:41:59,800
If there were terrorists,
you know what they'd do?

1078
00:42:00,810 --> 00:42:03,723
Break every red light
from here to California.

1079
00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:08,298
Have you ever been in a car
an hour and you come up,

1080
00:42:08,340 --> 00:42:09,405
it's one red light that's out,

1081
00:42:09,447 --> 00:42:12,588
and you go, goddamn, one red light?

1082
00:42:12,630 --> 00:42:14,628
Imagine if 20 were out.

1083
00:42:14,670 --> 00:42:16,537
You wouldn't get home in two weeks.

1084
00:42:16,579 --> 00:42:18,588
(audience laughing)

1085
00:42:18,630 --> 00:42:19,863
That's your terrorist.

1086
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:22,173
So it's all bullshit.

1087
00:42:25,170 --> 00:42:26,745
I'm scared of Chinese people.

1088
00:42:26,787 --> 00:42:30,223
(audience laughing)

1089
00:42:30,265 --> 00:42:32,565
Because I went to try
to take kung fu lessons.

1090
00:42:33,450 --> 00:42:34,983
It didn't last but 15 minutes.

1091
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,528
That little Asian man kept
telling me, I'm your new master.

1092
00:42:39,570 --> 00:42:41,319
I said, fuck you, not you too.

1093
00:42:41,361 --> 00:42:42,445
(audience laughing)

1094
00:42:42,487 --> 00:42:44,703
You ain't my master, motherfucker.

1095
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,394
I don't know karate, but I know crazy.

1096
00:42:49,436 --> 00:42:52,436
(audience laughing)

1097
00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:57,468
I told you race means everything.

1098
00:42:57,510 --> 00:42:59,478
That's why when I see a
homeless white person,

1099
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:00,905
I just start crying.

1100
00:43:00,947 --> 00:43:04,158
(Paul making crying sounds)

1101
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,183
What a waste of white skin.

1102
00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:14,088
White people, there are no ghosts.

1103
00:43:14,130 --> 00:43:15,130
There are no ghosts.

1104
00:43:17,100 --> 00:43:18,228
If there were ghosts,

1105
00:43:18,270 --> 00:43:19,968
slaves would come back and beat your ass.

1106
00:43:20,010 --> 00:43:20,874
You do know that.

1107
00:43:20,916 --> 00:43:23,718
(audience laughing)

1108
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,583
So only the white ghosts get to come back?

1109
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,313
There are no ghosts.

1110
00:43:30,660 --> 00:43:31,451
You know who I miss?

1111
00:43:31,493 --> 00:43:33,678
'Cause I guess I've been black,
I've been black too long.

1112
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:34,548
You know what I miss?

1113
00:43:34,590 --> 00:43:36,468
There's two things I miss.

1114
00:43:36,510 --> 00:43:38,808
I miss the hippie white people,

1115
00:43:38,850 --> 00:43:41,808
and I miss the Jews that were brave.

1116
00:43:41,850 --> 00:43:45,078
Jews went down south and died with us.

1117
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:46,188
They did.

1118
00:43:46,230 --> 00:43:48,123
What happened to them brave Jews?

1119
00:43:49,620 --> 00:43:50,496
No, they were.

1120
00:43:50,538 --> 00:43:52,283
Oh, you said, oh, they're all dead.

1121
00:43:53,242 --> 00:43:54,438
They killed them all.

1122
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:55,968
No.

1123
00:43:56,010 --> 00:43:57,108
That's some sad shit.

1124
00:43:57,150 --> 00:43:58,942
And then the Madoff, what's his name?

1125
00:43:58,984 --> 00:44:01,317
- [Audience Members] Madoff.

1126
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:07,160
- Jews, Jews stealing
from Jews and nonprofit.

1127
00:44:08,220 --> 00:44:12,648
And it shows you how
sexist that white man is.

1128
00:44:12,690 --> 00:44:15,168
He stayed outta jail with
something around his ankle

1129
00:44:15,210 --> 00:44:18,618
for the longest, and
then he went to jail now.

1130
00:44:18,660 --> 00:44:19,998
Okay.

1131
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,533
And that white woman, Martha, got a tip.

1132
00:44:24,210 --> 00:44:26,664
Wait, that bitch woke up in jail.

1133
00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:28,728
(audience laughing)

1134
00:44:28,770 --> 00:44:30,738
They took that white woman, what?

1135
00:44:30,780 --> 00:44:31,758
Straight to jail.

1136
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:32,778
That's that boys club.

1137
00:44:32,820 --> 00:44:34,518
They said, look, bitch, we run this shit.

1138
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,228
You're going to jail.

1139
00:44:36,270 --> 00:44:37,998
When we do it, we get a pat on the hand,

1140
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,648
little bracelet on the ankle.

1141
00:44:39,690 --> 00:44:40,998
But you going to jail, bitch.

1142
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:42,858
Took Martha straight, but it backfired

1143
00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:45,438
'cause Martha ended up
making all the money.

1144
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,003
But Martha went to jail
looking like Hobo Kelly.

1145
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,397
And that bitch came out
looking like Grace Kelly.

1146
00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:52,938
(audience laughing)

1147
00:44:52,980 --> 00:44:54,213
Martha looks good.

1148
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:56,988
But that's Hollywood.

1149
00:44:57,030 --> 00:44:59,358
Hollywood is the perpetrator
for all the bullshit.

1150
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:00,558
I'm here to tell you.

1151
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,688
Hollywood puts them images out.

1152
00:45:02,730 --> 00:45:04,788
Hollywood is scary.

1153
00:45:04,830 --> 00:45:07,128
I'm so sick of Hollywood trying to tell me

1154
00:45:07,170 --> 00:45:09,963
what little ugly white woman is cute.

1155
00:45:11,940 --> 00:45:12,888
I'm not Stevie Wonder.

1156
00:45:12,930 --> 00:45:14,074
I know cute when I see it.

1157
00:45:14,116 --> 00:45:15,858
(audience laughing)

1158
00:45:15,900 --> 00:45:16,788
They got some white woman.

1159
00:45:16,830 --> 00:45:20,046
She was on some hit cable
show, sex and no titties, and.

1160
00:45:20,088 --> 00:45:23,448
(audience laughing)

1161
00:45:23,490 --> 00:45:24,678
She modeled for Gap.

1162
00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:25,553
What's her name?

1163
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:28,608
Sarah.

1164
00:45:28,650 --> 00:45:30,830
That little rickety, crickety bitch.

1165
00:45:30,872 --> 00:45:32,538
(audience laughing)

1166
00:45:32,580 --> 00:45:36,408
I saw that little, I saw
that bitch in a miniskirt.

1167
00:45:36,450 --> 00:45:37,924
I thought she had polio.

1168
00:45:37,966 --> 00:45:41,208
(audience laughing)

1169
00:45:41,250 --> 00:45:43,503
She couldn't pass a pimp audition.

1170
00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:46,968
Bitch, we selling pussy,
not rickety crickety.

1171
00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:48,196
Get the fuck up outta here.

1172
00:45:48,238 --> 00:45:51,238
(audience laughing)

1173
00:45:52,620 --> 00:45:53,448
Then there's another one.

1174
00:45:53,490 --> 00:45:54,738
She used to be on "Friends"

1175
00:45:54,780 --> 00:45:56,988
and she was married to Brad Pitt.

1176
00:45:57,030 --> 00:45:57,863
What's her name?

1177
00:45:58,710 --> 00:45:59,688
Oh my god.

1178
00:45:59,730 --> 00:46:01,055
That horse face bitch.

1179
00:46:01,097 --> 00:46:03,108
(audience laughing)

1180
00:46:03,150 --> 00:46:05,058
I'd connect her to a buggy.

1181
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:06,398
Giddy up, Nelly, giddy up.

1182
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:09,498
(audience laughing)

1183
00:46:09,540 --> 00:46:10,373
Giddy up.

1184
00:46:13,050 --> 00:46:13,848
Oh, keep it real.

1185
00:46:13,890 --> 00:46:14,723
Don't be scared.

1186
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,348
That's why Brad left her ugly ass.

1187
00:46:18,390 --> 00:46:21,198
Brad wasn't gonna have no
babies by the ugly white woman.

1188
00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:22,728
Now that white woman Brad lives with

1189
00:46:22,770 --> 00:46:25,758
and got them three babies by,
that's a cute white woman.

1190
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:27,408
Skinny little white girl, cute.

1191
00:46:27,450 --> 00:46:28,743
With big, big lips.

1192
00:46:29,700 --> 00:46:32,039
Brad will never leave that white woman.

1193
00:46:32,081 --> 00:46:33,528
(audience laughing)

1194
00:46:33,570 --> 00:46:36,318
That big lip white woman can suck a dick.

1195
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:37,318
Trust me.

1196
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:39,798
(audience laughing)

1197
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,518
She'll suck the chrome off your hubcaps.

1198
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:45,258
(audience applauding)

1199
00:46:45,300 --> 00:46:47,358
Brad is going to, Brad
don't even know his name.

1200
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,308
You can go over there, hey, Steve.

1201
00:46:49,350 --> 00:46:50,194
Huh?

1202
00:46:50,236 --> 00:46:52,308
(audience laughing)

1203
00:46:52,350 --> 00:46:54,468
Brad don't care if she have
three babies, five babies.

1204
00:46:54,510 --> 00:46:56,778
She adopt a Filipino
African baby, Mexican.

1205
00:46:56,820 --> 00:46:57,611
Brad don't give a fuck.

1206
00:46:57,653 --> 00:46:59,674
That bitch could bring her chicken home.

1207
00:46:59,716 --> 00:47:00,648
(audience laughing)

1208
00:47:00,690 --> 00:47:02,553
Yeah, chicken, I'm your daddy.

1209
00:47:04,290 --> 00:47:06,903
A wake up call is a bitch, ain't it?

1210
00:47:08,100 --> 00:47:10,278
The Jews got their wake up call.

1211
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,224
They was running around here
thinking they was white folks.

1212
00:47:13,266 --> 00:47:16,266
(audience laughing)

1213
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,155
Till Mr. Mel Gibson came along.

1214
00:47:23,197 --> 00:47:25,488
(audience laughing)

1215
00:47:25,530 --> 00:47:27,138
Mr. Proctor and Gamble.

1216
00:47:27,180 --> 00:47:30,438
Mr. Descendants of Rome white man.

1217
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:31,863
Talking his shit.

1218
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:36,798
Calling that police lady
sugar tits, and Jew.

1219
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:39,888
And it's your fault and you
did it and blaming everything.

1220
00:47:39,930 --> 00:47:42,198
And you, you sank the Titanic.

1221
00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:43,248
The Titanic?

1222
00:47:43,290 --> 00:47:45,258
(audience laughing)

1223
00:47:45,300 --> 00:47:47,194
Iceberg, Goldberg, it's all the same.

1224
00:47:47,236 --> 00:47:49,248
(audience laughing)

1225
00:47:49,290 --> 00:47:51,183
He was talking crazy.

1226
00:47:54,060 --> 00:47:56,988
And white folks ain't mad at
Mel because of what he said.

1227
00:47:57,030 --> 00:47:59,530
That's what white people
say when nobody's around.

1228
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:03,453
They don't like you to tell.

1229
00:48:05,130 --> 00:48:06,363
White folks got signals.

1230
00:48:07,258 --> 00:48:10,258
(audience laughing)

1231
00:48:15,210 --> 00:48:16,583
They don't want you telling.

1232
00:48:18,330 --> 00:48:20,598
Mel gave 'em all that wake up call.

1233
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,953
And see, that's an old Roman trick.

1234
00:48:24,090 --> 00:48:26,673
I wash our hands of this Jesus thing.

1235
00:48:27,540 --> 00:48:29,478
We have nothing to do with it.

1236
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,158
The Romans killed Jesus.

1237
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,328
The Jews didn't kill Jesus.

1238
00:48:32,370 --> 00:48:34,728
They want to give you somebody to dislike.

1239
00:48:34,770 --> 00:48:35,928
Nothing went down in Rome.

1240
00:48:35,970 --> 00:48:37,083
Just like here.

1241
00:48:37,980 --> 00:48:39,093
We killed Kennedy.

1242
00:48:40,050 --> 00:48:43,008
You can always tell
when it's in inside job.

1243
00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:44,748
It's too many stories.

1244
00:48:44,790 --> 00:48:45,828
Was it two guns, was it three?

1245
00:48:45,870 --> 00:48:47,748
Was it a bow and arrow,
was it a midget, was it?

1246
00:48:47,790 --> 00:48:48,691
There's too much going on.

1247
00:48:48,733 --> 00:48:51,438
(audience laughing)

1248
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:54,573
When it's outside, it's
very clear who did what.

1249
00:48:55,530 --> 00:48:56,718
Oh no, we can't look at the records

1250
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:58,158
until 5,000 years from now.

1251
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:01,758
It's always bullshit connected
when it's an inside job.

1252
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,598
That English, that Lady Di shit?

1253
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:06,431
Inside.

1254
00:49:06,473 --> 00:49:07,368
They killed that bitch.

1255
00:49:07,410 --> 00:49:08,201
The queen.

1256
00:49:08,243 --> 00:49:11,666
That dirty, murdering ugly
ass bitch, she did it.

1257
00:49:11,708 --> 00:49:13,577
(audience applauding)

1258
00:49:13,619 --> 00:49:14,452
Bitch.

1259
00:49:16,110 --> 00:49:17,928
That was a hit.

1260
00:49:17,970 --> 00:49:21,288
Prince Charles didn't want
the body when it was alive.

1261
00:49:21,330 --> 00:49:23,988
He sure broke his neck
getting it when she was dead

1262
00:49:24,030 --> 00:49:25,818
because he knew his mammy killed her,

1263
00:49:25,860 --> 00:49:27,258
and he wanted to cover the shit up.

1264
00:49:27,300 --> 00:49:31,368
And somebody with that high
profile, 10 fucking years later,

1265
00:49:31,410 --> 00:49:34,518
they decide to have a fucking autopsy?

1266
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:38,568
And the conclusion is
the driver, her driver.

1267
00:49:38,610 --> 00:49:41,208
Listen, when you drive for royalty

1268
00:49:41,250 --> 00:49:42,348
or the fucking government,

1269
00:49:42,390 --> 00:49:44,947
they check your mama's
pussy and your booty hole.

1270
00:49:44,989 --> 00:49:47,478
(audience laughing)

1271
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:49,863
There are no surprises.

1272
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:53,718
That evil bitch did it.

1273
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,088
She stole all them diamonds
she stole from Africa.

1274
00:49:56,130 --> 00:49:57,723
Stealing, murdering bitch.

1275
00:49:58,590 --> 00:49:59,580
Ugly bitch.

1276
00:49:59,622 --> 00:50:02,088
(audience laughing)

1277
00:50:02,130 --> 00:50:05,658
Oh, her mama's ugly, her
daddy's ugly, her son is ugly.

1278
00:50:05,700 --> 00:50:07,848
Her son's new wife look like Dane Edna.

1279
00:50:07,890 --> 00:50:08,768
That's the ugly bitch.

1280
00:50:08,810 --> 00:50:09,601
(audience laughing)

1281
00:50:09,643 --> 00:50:10,807
They all are ugly.

1282
00:50:12,540 --> 00:50:15,277
Queen Elizabeth looks like
sheep shit in shallow ass water.

1283
00:50:15,319 --> 00:50:18,348
(audience laughing)

1284
00:50:18,390 --> 00:50:22,515
If she's the queen, what the
fuck does the witch look like?

1285
00:50:22,557 --> 00:50:25,557
(audience laughing)

1286
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:28,968
Lady Di was cute.

1287
00:50:29,010 --> 00:50:30,108
She had the it factor.

1288
00:50:30,150 --> 00:50:31,788
Whatever it is, Lady Di had.

1289
00:50:31,830 --> 00:50:33,888
They should have pulled
her royal panties down

1290
00:50:33,930 --> 00:50:35,388
and kissed the royal pussy.

1291
00:50:35,430 --> 00:50:37,798
She brought beauty to them
ugly ass motherfuckers.

1292
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,058
(audience applauding)

1293
00:50:40,100 --> 00:50:42,168
And the only reason they killed her

1294
00:50:42,210 --> 00:50:44,553
because she was fucking
that black Egyptian.

1295
00:50:46,020 --> 00:50:48,468
They tell me she was pregnant by him.

1296
00:50:48,510 --> 00:50:50,268
They didn't want to hear that shit.

1297
00:50:50,310 --> 00:50:52,548
Talking about the press is chasing them.

1298
00:50:52,590 --> 00:50:55,218
They was running for their goddamn life.

1299
00:50:55,260 --> 00:50:56,928
Dirty bastards.

1300
00:50:56,970 --> 00:50:59,316
Because every time they
mention the accident,

1301
00:50:59,358 --> 00:51:02,358
(audience laughing)

1302
00:51:05,370 --> 00:51:07,728
they never mention he was in the car.

1303
00:51:07,770 --> 00:51:09,648
How come they don't say he was in the car?

1304
00:51:09,690 --> 00:51:11,148
You never hear them talking about him.

1305
00:51:11,190 --> 00:51:12,558
They don't want to bring him up.

1306
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,088
And her little friend writing the book,

1307
00:51:14,130 --> 00:51:14,921
oh, she wasn't in love with him.

1308
00:51:14,963 --> 00:51:16,668
It was some other little
skinny white Englishman.

1309
00:51:16,710 --> 00:51:17,501
Bullshit.

1310
00:51:17,543 --> 00:51:20,088
She died with who she was
fucking, that was her man.

1311
00:51:20,130 --> 00:51:20,928
She was in the car.

1312
00:51:20,970 --> 00:51:21,848
Where was that little skinny white man

1313
00:51:21,890 --> 00:51:23,823
if she loved him so goddamn much?

1314
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:25,751
Dirty.

1315
00:51:25,793 --> 00:51:26,584
No, but they did it.

1316
00:51:26,626 --> 00:51:28,788
That fucking queen did it, she did it.

1317
00:51:28,830 --> 00:51:30,198
And the world loved Lady Di.

1318
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:33,288
She was jealous of Lady
Di 'cause she was cute.

1319
00:51:33,330 --> 00:51:35,898
Flowers came from all over the world.

1320
00:51:35,940 --> 00:51:37,128
Queen Elizabeth could drop dead tonight.

1321
00:51:37,170 --> 00:51:38,677
Ain't no goddamn flowers coming.

1322
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,048
(audience laughing)

1323
00:51:42,090 --> 00:51:43,445
A shovel.

1324
00:51:43,487 --> 00:51:44,658
(audience laughing)

1325
00:51:44,700 --> 00:51:46,412
Hurry up and bury this ugly bitch.

1326
00:51:46,454 --> 00:51:48,468
(audience laughing)

1327
00:51:48,510 --> 00:51:51,288
And then they're going to
throw a cross and garlic on her

1328
00:51:51,330 --> 00:51:52,121
so she won't get up.

1329
00:51:52,163 --> 00:51:53,354
Old vampire looking bitch.

1330
00:51:53,396 --> 00:51:55,788
(audience laughing)

1331
00:51:55,830 --> 00:51:59,574
Oh, see, you guys think I'm faking it?

1332
00:51:59,616 --> 00:52:00,407
I don't like that bitch.

1333
00:52:00,449 --> 00:52:02,748
You ain't supposed to touch the queen.

1334
00:52:02,790 --> 00:52:04,843
I'll rub chicken grease
all over that bitch.

1335
00:52:04,885 --> 00:52:07,885
(audience laughing)

1336
00:52:09,330 --> 00:52:11,478
Oh, she could walk through
that door, you phonies,

1337
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:12,978
your highness.

1338
00:52:13,020 --> 00:52:14,538
I'll snatch that bitch's purse.

1339
00:52:14,580 --> 00:52:15,422
I don't like that bitch.

1340
00:52:15,464 --> 00:52:18,547
(audience laughing)

1341
00:52:25,380 --> 00:52:26,703
Evil ass bitch.

1342
00:52:28,865 --> 00:52:29,656
I ain't dumb.

1343
00:52:29,698 --> 00:52:30,489
You be dumb.

1344
00:52:30,531 --> 00:52:32,332
Go ahead and drink the Kool-Aid.

1345
00:52:32,374 --> 00:52:34,975
(audience laughing)

1346
00:52:35,017 --> 00:52:37,235
Yes, yes, Mr. Jim Jones.

1347
00:52:37,277 --> 00:52:40,548
(audience applauding)

1348
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,279
You better, oh, okay.

1349
00:52:42,321 --> 00:52:45,321
(audience laughing)

1350
00:52:50,873 --> 00:52:54,040
(audience applauding)

1351
00:52:55,980 --> 00:52:56,771
Thank you.

1352
00:52:56,813 --> 00:52:59,679
(audience laughing)

1353
00:53:03,063 --> 00:53:04,146
Poor OJ.

1354
00:53:04,188 --> 00:53:07,188
(audience laughing)

1355
00:53:12,983 --> 00:53:13,816
Dumb.

1356
00:53:15,505 --> 00:53:16,338
Dumb.

1357
00:53:17,220 --> 00:53:18,558
How did OJ play ball?

1358
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,327
Did they glue the ball to his hand?

1359
00:53:20,369 --> 00:53:22,218
(audience laughing)

1360
00:53:22,260 --> 00:53:25,248
And you guys all think OJ
killed that white woman?

1361
00:53:25,290 --> 00:53:26,208
You white folks think that.

1362
00:53:26,250 --> 00:53:27,828
You just say it on TV shows.

1363
00:53:27,870 --> 00:53:29,898
And OJ was tried and said he was innocent.

1364
00:53:29,940 --> 00:53:31,278
You don't even believe in an American law.

1365
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:32,238
Oh no, he did it.

1366
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:34,428
I go, these people are fucked up.

1367
00:53:34,470 --> 00:53:36,528
Listen, I mean, it's
just like, it's crazy.

1368
00:53:36,570 --> 00:53:37,788
OJ is dumb.

1369
00:53:37,830 --> 00:53:39,558
Killers are smart.

1370
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:40,818
They're real smart.

1371
00:53:40,860 --> 00:53:43,908
If OJ was this smart
killer that you talk about,

1372
00:53:43,950 --> 00:53:45,888
he would've went over there, got his shit,

1373
00:53:45,930 --> 00:53:46,848
killed everybody in the house,

1374
00:53:46,890 --> 00:53:48,440
and went on about his business.

1375
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,978
Let him have stole some of Dahmer's shit.

1376
00:53:52,020 --> 00:53:53,708
It had been a cookout over there.

1377
00:53:53,750 --> 00:53:56,598
(audience laughing)

1378
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,098
OJ's too dumb for that.

1379
00:53:58,140 --> 00:54:00,018
Do you know that OJ called his friends up?

1380
00:54:00,060 --> 00:54:02,787
Dummy called his friend,
help me go get my stuff.

1381
00:54:02,829 --> 00:54:06,618
(audience laughing)

1382
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:09,003
Everybody had a tape recorder but OJ.

1383
00:54:11,700 --> 00:54:12,873
Dummy had a gun.

1384
00:54:14,730 --> 00:54:16,008
Have you heard the tapes?

1385
00:54:16,050 --> 00:54:17,358
Play the tapes.

1386
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:18,288
Something's wrong with OJ.

1387
00:54:18,330 --> 00:54:19,398
He's stuck in the 70s.

1388
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:20,778
OJ thinks he's Shaft.

1389
00:54:20,820 --> 00:54:21,673
Play the tapes.

1390
00:54:21,715 --> 00:54:23,328
(audience laughing)

1391
00:54:23,370 --> 00:54:25,921
Don't none of you jive
turkeys try to split.

1392
00:54:25,963 --> 00:54:28,578
(audience laughing)

1393
00:54:28,620 --> 00:54:30,258
I'll kill you, can you dig it?

1394
00:54:30,300 --> 00:54:31,212
Hush your mouth.

1395
00:54:31,254 --> 00:54:32,988
(audience laughing)

1396
00:54:33,030 --> 00:54:35,028
It's some silly shit.

1397
00:54:35,070 --> 00:54:36,273
The boy is dumb.

1398
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,988
Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

1399
00:54:42,030 --> 00:54:43,989
And that's exactly where he'll be staying.

1400
00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:46,428
(audience laughing)

1401
00:54:46,470 --> 00:54:49,728
Why would Wesley Snipes leave Africa?

1402
00:54:49,770 --> 00:54:51,348
What's wrong with Wesley?

1403
00:54:51,390 --> 00:54:52,885
Tar baby black Wesley.

1404
00:54:52,927 --> 00:54:54,288
(audience laughing)

1405
00:54:54,330 --> 00:54:56,313
Wesley was safe in Africa.

1406
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,013
Any tribe would accept him.

1407
00:54:59,850 --> 00:55:00,641
Brother.

1408
00:55:00,683 --> 00:55:01,685
Brother.

1409
00:55:01,727 --> 00:55:03,378
(audience laughing)

1410
00:55:03,420 --> 00:55:06,168
I'd like to see white folks
try to find Wesley in Africa.

1411
00:55:06,210 --> 00:55:07,001
Are you Wesley?

1412
00:55:07,043 --> 00:55:07,906
No.

1413
00:55:07,948 --> 00:55:10,368
(audience laughing)

1414
00:55:10,410 --> 00:55:11,305
Are you Wesley?

1415
00:55:11,347 --> 00:55:12,320
(Paul making clicking
sound with his tongue)

1416
00:55:12,362 --> 00:55:13,153
No.

1417
00:55:13,195 --> 00:55:16,068
(audience laughing)

1418
00:55:16,110 --> 00:55:17,403
They couldn't find him.

1419
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:20,283
Wesley was safe.

1420
00:55:24,630 --> 00:55:26,388
Black ass Wesley.

1421
00:55:26,430 --> 00:55:28,848
Oh, you know Wesley's black.

1422
00:55:28,890 --> 00:55:31,068
If you rode Wesley home
tonight in your car,

1423
00:55:31,110 --> 00:55:32,868
the police would stop
you and give you a ticket

1424
00:55:32,910 --> 00:55:33,825
for tinted windows.

1425
00:55:33,867 --> 00:55:36,867
(audience laughing)

1426
00:55:37,860 --> 00:55:39,888
If you shot Wesley,

1427
00:55:39,930 --> 00:55:42,198
that bullet will come back
and ask for a flashlight.

1428
00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:45,240
(audience laughing)

1429
00:55:51,296 --> 00:55:52,129
Hey.

1430
00:55:53,295 --> 00:55:56,462
(audience applauding)

1431
00:55:59,403 --> 00:56:01,098
Oh, look at this.

1432
00:56:01,140 --> 00:56:02,598
This is great.

1433
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:03,596
Thank you very much, goodnight.

1434
00:56:03,638 --> 00:56:04,832
You've been very good to me, thanks.

1435
00:56:04,874 --> 00:56:05,665
(upbeat music)

1436
00:56:05,707 --> 00:56:06,550
Thanks.

1437
00:56:06,592 --> 00:56:07,659
(audience applauding)

1438
00:56:07,701 --> 00:56:11,201
(upbeat music continues)

1439
00:56:25,075 --> 00:56:27,394
Oh, another pretty one, my god.

1440
00:56:27,436 --> 00:56:29,136
- Mr. Mooney?

1441
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,635
I need you to scoot forward.

1442
00:56:30,677 --> 00:56:31,764
- Okay.

1443
00:56:31,806 --> 00:56:34,324
(upbeat music continues)

1444
00:56:34,366 --> 00:56:35,187
Thank you.

1445
00:56:35,229 --> 00:56:36,312
- Thank you for getting up.

1446
00:56:36,354 --> 00:56:38,505
- Thank you.

1447
00:56:38,547 --> 00:56:40,286
Oh, this is too much.

1448
00:56:40,328 --> 00:56:43,328
(audience laughing)

1449
00:56:46,775 --> 00:56:47,837
How are you?

1450
00:56:47,879 --> 00:56:51,296
(upbeat music continues)

1451
00:57:04,014 --> 00:57:04,805
Thank you.

1452
00:57:04,847 --> 00:57:05,800
This is too much.

1453
00:57:05,842 --> 00:57:10,008
(upbeat music continues)

1454
00:57:10,050 --> 00:57:11,988
Thank you, I'm gonna take some of that.

1455
00:57:12,030 --> 00:57:13,068
Titties and champagne.

1456
00:57:13,110 --> 00:57:14,471
I'm getting all.

1457
00:57:14,513 --> 00:57:16,608
(upbeat music continues)

1458
00:57:16,650 --> 00:57:17,566
(upbeat music ends)

1459
00:57:17,608 --> 00:57:20,275
(zapping sound)